In my first year as a manager, I was struggling, and I was lonely. I had worked hard to get the role, but once I got there, I felt completely alone. I remember sitting in my office with the door closed, just staring at the walls, hoping the answers would somehow appear. On top of the new job, I was adjusting to life as a new father. The pressure to succeed on both fronts was intense.
What made it worse was that I couldn’t turn to the same colleagues who had once been my peers. Now they were looking to me for answers, answers I didn’t have.
Luckily, I wasn’t entirely alone. I had three new friends who were going through the same thing. Two of us were new to the organization, and two of us had been promoted from within. We came from different backgrounds, but all of us were navigating the challenges of leading demanding teams for the first time. This became my go-to crew during my first year as a manager, and we’re still close to this day.
Looking back, I realize that the kind of support we gave each other back then is still what sustains me today in my work with our current leadership team.
We created a safe space for ourselves to simply be.
It can be a tricky dynamic going from peer to manager. Suddenly, your words carry more weight. You find yourself overthinking how you're perceived. It’s a quiet, insidious kind of emotional labor. That’s why leaders need space where they don’t have to perform, where they can be unguarded, messy, and real with other folks. Community can serve as a home base for leaders. That’s one of the many benefits of being in community with people who see you. You get to be known.
We laughed together, a lot.
It may sound trivial, but what good is community if you’re not enjoying the company of those in community? I’ve always made it my goal to find people I enjoy spending time with and continue to find ways to work with them again and again. Even today our team genuinely has fun together. The journey matters just as much as the destination.
We cried together too.
Recently I received some tough personal news about the health of a close friend. In some workplaces, leaders are expected to compartmentalize their lives. Not on our team. I knew I couldn’t keep working that day. I was overwhelmed, and I needed support.
So I called my team, told them what was going on, and just cried. I wanted to share how I was feeling with my team in order to rally their support. I also told them how much I value our close relationships. It meant the world to me that my community was able to show up and hold space for me in that moment.
Community is also a reminder that leadership isn’t about hiding your emotions, it’s about embracing the full range of them. When your team sees that you’re real, they’re more likely to trust you. You’re also better able to see and support them in return.
I often hear new leaders say they can’t find this kind of community in their organizations. Maybe the culture doesn’t allow for it, or maybe they’re just not sure how to build it.
Take it from me, it’s never too late to find community. Start small. Reach out. Make space—for honesty, for laughter, for real connection.
You don’t have to lead alone, and in fact you can’t.
If you’re looking to build stronger leadership community and emotional intelligence, let’s talk—find a time to connect at this link.
